I am currently living 250 miles away from my immediate family. Even further from extended family. My grandmother on my father's side has been in and out of the hospital for various reasons since July/August.
I want to stay in the know of how she is doing -- but I can't help but feel that finding out via continuous emails is just too clinical and depressing for my own mind. Part of me doesn't want to even care after all the pain she has caused my father -- I sometimes see how he continually forgives her and I resent her even more for it. but i'd never wish death upon a human being. At 80 years old ...slowly deteriorating in a hospital bed is just too much for me to handle (i think i will have to create a living will later in life for if i ever end up in a similar situation).
its like i keep getting these awful emails. "a couple of days left to two weeks to live as her kidneys are shutting
down and she is no longer urinating and not eating. He said dialysis
would just be a bandaid if she survived it as her liver is failing as
well as her red blood cells and platelet production. He recommends
hospice for her."
i can't even fathom what might be going through her mind. just waiting for death to greet you. sick shit --- it's starting to really weigh heavy on my mind.
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