random october picturesss

Surprise surprise... we had a very rainy day in syracuse. took some pictures on my way home from campus of the trees. 

 here's the evil female ginkgo trees. i call them smovum because they drop their ovaries in the fall and if you step on one it gushes white goo and you will carry a gross stench with you for hours.

 here are some of the trees i pass on my way home that i actually like... :)

View from under my new umbrella 

 So i was having one of those terrible days where i fixate on things and hate everyone! i came home sorta depressed but i found a package outside my door. my mother had bought me a tablecloth and matching napkins of this design we liked when were in a the texas state history museum. my mom is so fucking cute and thoughtful! i put it on our dining room table :D

 Cool plate tectonic maps in the heroy geology building

 jamie tried to dye his hair green with jello which was a fail

i successfully bleached his hair blonde

Free Goods :D

Who doesnt love free shit... I DO!

in the geology building where i'm taking hydrogeology one of the professors was cleaning out his office and gave me some cool rocks. and you guessed it, they were freee :]

 

Also got free lunch and free panera bread in exchange for talking to a pastor for a few min about lima, peru. I just need to go and buy some good blackberry fruit preserve now :)

Thoughts on death

I am currently living 250 miles away from my immediate family. Even further from extended family. My grandmother on my father's side has been in and out of the hospital for various reasons since July/August.

I want to stay in the know of how she is doing -- but I can't help but feel that finding out via continuous emails is just too clinical and depressing for my own mind. Part of me doesn't want to even care after all the pain she has caused my father -- I sometimes see how he continually forgives her and I resent her even more for it. but i'd never wish death upon a human being. At 80 years old ...slowly deteriorating in a hospital bed is just too much for me to handle (i think i will have to create a living will later in life for if i ever end up in a similar situation).

its like i keep getting these awful emails. "a couple of days left to two weeks to live as her kidneys are shutting down and she is no longer urinating and not eating. He said dialysis would just be a bandaid if she survived it as her liver is failing as well as her red blood cells and platelet production. He recommends hospice for her."

i can't even fathom what might be going through her mind. just waiting for death to greet you. sick shit --- it's starting to really weigh heavy on my mind.